I feel like there's a lot, and nothing, going on all at once.
My father is in the hospital. He had a heart attack early in the weekend. They performed surgery on Monday. Cleared out some major arteries that were 100% blocked. He looked better and felt instant relief when it was over. However, he's a sick man. I pray for him constantly. I'm preparing myself for whatever is next. Speaking of whatever is next, my parents are to be re-wed on Thanksgiving day. I'm not impressed, but whatever. They're thrilled about it, so I'm happy for them. Apparently their first date ever was on Thanksgiving day, back in like 1974 or something. Even though it's a morbid thought, I kind of wonder how long my dad will live after they're married. And I could curse myself for actually speaking it aloud and typing it out, but I wonder if my mother is doing this for financial security. I asked her about it and she got defensive and said no. Hm. My mom asked me why I wasn't more thrilled about it and I told her the truth. It disgusts me that she can get in and out of marriage as quick as she changes underwear, yet I can't do it period. I told her I don't see the point. She gave me her laundry list of reasons. It's just kind of whatever to me. Everybody has been asking if I'm going to be a bridesmaid. I tell them, "no, I'm a witness." lol. In better news, I am supremely excited about being an aunt. I cannot wait for May to get here so that the baby will be here too. I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Devin and Jackie have picked out Damian Garrett if it's a baby boy. No girl names have been discussed. My parents have come around and gotten on board and are now excited too, which is a good thing. I kind of feel like they want their grandbaby to have married grandparents since it isn't going to get married parents.
A few weeks ago, I had a refreshing experience. After a night out for drinks and karaoke with a whole bunch of people, a few conversations, and a meal of chicken wings, I was told by a young lady that she wanted to be honest with me. Always a proponent of honesty, I was completely tuned in to whatever she had to say. She proceeded to tell me that she's a liar and a manipulator. Well, okay. I appreciated the honesty. How come everyone doesn't come with that type of warning label? I've since kept my distance, which probably wasn't going to be difficult to do anyhow because her personality is a complete bore.
I've been at church for the past two weeks and it's been great. Sometimes I don't really care for the attitudes and the disapproving, judgmental looks of some of the people, but church is something I need in my life. I enjoy the songs, the praise/worship, and the sermons. I definitely intend to keep it up.
Another thing I intend to keep up is working out. I've been doin my thanngg at the gym for the past 3 months or so. I don't know if I've lost any actual pounds at all, but I've gotten a few compliments. I know my body is changing...I'm having serious issues keeping my pants up and my breasts don't fill up my bra anymore. I'm all for it.
My job is still the same. I don't get to hire anyone else, the economic crunch has affected Sam's Club...we are cutting payroll in any way possible. It will just be me, Demetrius, and Shirley until whenever. They annoy me to death. But they seem to enjoy the job, so it's fine. But Sam's Club has seen the last of 10-hour days and 7-day weeks from Erika. I won't do it. If we don't have staff, we don't have staff. I'm not concerned about it. I've got some other applications in, I've just got to wait and see if the positions are intended for me.
As much as I've tried to fight it, the "fuck you all" attitude has crept back up on me. A few people have expressed some things to me that would typically have me concerned...but right now, it's just whatever. If I don't feel like talking on the phone, I don't care how many times you call...we're not talking. After someone expressed dissatisfation, I would typically give them a lil of what they were after...but not now. I'm still not taking phone calls or calling back. Typically if someone was making smart remarks, I would get smart back or discuss the situation...not now. Get smart with me and conversation over. I just kind of feel as if there are very few things worth my time. Sadly, a lot of people aren't making the cut. I've grown tired of a handful of people who feel like they know everything about my life, or just life in general. I'm tired of being a supportive friend to people who've done little to earn my unwavering support, but when I need someone to just share my feelings with or vent to, I have few places to turn. Sometimes I just want to say what's on my mind and not have it met with anyone's opinion, input, or advice. If I needed anybody to tell me what I need to do, I'd ask. I'm tired of people being sometimey. Some days they're all in my face and super happy to have me around...other days, it's like "oh, hey Erika..." like they could've done without me. Yuck. I'm tired of people who barely know me at all trying to tell me something about myself..it would be different if I'd asked...but where do people get off thinking that it's okay to just say things to me about my character or my personality? I'm just really turned off by a lot of people lately.
- ► 2009 (85)