I've been thinking of something for awhile now. About myself. And how I think and perceive things. About how I act. I don't know if old-fashioned is an appropriate way to describe the situation. Or if it's something else, like conservative. I just know that I have some different ideals and opinions about certain things, namely the way people operate socially. It might have something to do with the Christian upbringing I received. I'm really not sure. But I definitely have some strong opinions about some things. They stand out because I am alone in my feelings. Not many people feel the same way and it tends to cause problems, at the very least, some discussion. These things aren't on my mind constantly or anything, but certain situations arouse an intense reaction in me, so I know that I feel these ways strongly and consistently.
Before I jump into the topic at hand, I'll give some background about what I was taught growing up. My parents pretty much made it clear that as a Christian, you don't do things that give the appearance of evil. It's really sad, but I say that to people and they don't even really know what "appearance of evil" entails. So I say "you don't do things that give the appearance of something else." I believe that if something I'm doing makes me look bad or makes other people feel bad, then I ought not do it. Nine times out of ten, it isn't pleasing to God, therefore it's not worthwhile. Aside from that, I'm a firm believer in the fact that you can't go through life based on your own intentions. If other people perceive an action to be hurtful or it brings harm to others, then whatever I intended to be the result is absolutely worthless anyway. Again, not worthwhile.
This is on my mind because of an incident this past weekend. Without telling the entire story, I was invited out as part of a group. For the duration of the morning and the afternoon, I thought it was a group situation. Then it was revealed that my presence was requested in order to entertain someone so that two other people in the group could be alone and do their own thing. Suddenly, the situation became a no-no for me. I am serious about Shanee and have absolutely no desire to sit next to another chick in the movie theater. If we haven't already been friends for years, I'm not with it. I already know good and well that this person has some lapses in honesty and doesn't place too much value on her relationships, so why should I trust her to respect mine? I was instantly opposed to going and refused. I didn't feel right about it. And it would have looked bad. Yeah sure, my intentions would have been to watch the movie, but it might not have sat well with Shanee. So even if my intentions had been innocent, it probably wouldn't have looked very innocent, which would have led to hurt feelings and mistrust, ergo rendering the whole outing not worthwhile. When I expressed this sentiment, nothing much was said about it, but I have a feeling that it was laughed about later. I was probably referred to as lame. I've been described as uptight. People at my job know that I follow the rules and typically do what's right. I don't live fast or get thrills out of pushing limits. That's just not me. I would be lying if I said that it doesn't bother me. But I'm finally old enough to just suck it up "oh well." If I'm corny, then I'm corny. If I'm wack, then ok, great.
I really honestly feel that I would have felt really guilty and really wrong if I had went. I probably would have been nauseous throughout the movie and not even enjoyed myself. I would have been poor company. I feel like I did the right thing by not going. I don't know why I have these feelings so strongly, but they're undeniable. I honestly do believe that relationships, friendships, and just people in general would all fare better if more people held this way of thinking and believed this as well.
Another situation in which I was the minority in terms of how I viewed things, some friends and I were out to eat not that long ago. One friend is 24 and her sister is about 19. Somehow we got on the subject of curfews and they revealed that their father told them that they aren't to be at a boy's house past 10pm. They seemed pretty neutral about it, just kind of rolled their eyes when they mentioned it. Another friend of ours couldn't believe it, thought it was absolutely ridiculous. I totally agreed with the father. I feel like single young women don't have any business at a boy's house late at night. If there's a party going on or it's several young couples hanging out, that's one thing. But for one girl to be there with one boy...it's not necessary. A young lady doesn't need to be seen coming out of a boy's house late at night. True, it's no one's business what she was doing over there....but again, it simply looks bad. The way my parents raised me, you just avoid those types of things. These two girls were raised very similar to the way I was and they agreed with me. They were still annoyed, but understood it and respected their father's wishes.
I definitely realize that I've only felt this way since I was about 23 or so...I definitely respect a lot more of what my parents taught me. When I was 18, I wasn't hearing any of it. I guess what they say is true, that the words your parents speak to you will forever be with you. I definitely see the benefit of it. Life would be a whole lot more simplified if more people held these sentiments closer to their hearts and lived in such a way that was worthwhile.
- ► 2009 (85)