Saturday, March 28, 2009

how's you and whatshername?

Phone pulsates thrice. Text message.

Chick: hey u
Me: yoooo
Chick: what you doin tonight?
Me: no real plans yet. my homegirl supposed to come over and eat waffles??
Chick: you cookin breakfast tonight?
Me: Noooo lol, I will be leggo'n some eggo
Chick: oh ok. how's you and whatshername in philly?
Me: We ain't.
Chick: oh word?
Me: my bond.
Chick: well damn... ;-)
Me: *smirk*
Chick: must be my lucky day.
Me: perhaps.
Chick: hit me up tonight?
Me: chea, ok. grab a drink or somethin.
Chick: ...or somethin.
Me: later woman.

(I know that everyone wants my phone number now since I text so kool, haha)
I must be growin the hell up. This time last year, hell, 6 months ago, I would have been like, "I get off work at 4:30, meet me at the crib at 4:45." To have not instantly jumped at the chance signals a slight growth for me. I'm proud of myself for ending that conversation. For exercising some control and restraint. I can't really make any promises for how I may conduct myself as the night progresses though. I am sad as hell and still can't really wrap my mind around the fact that Shanee "needs space" at the worst possible time. It hurts pretty damn bad...but the bright side is that I can feel "Single Erika" coming alive. Time to brush off my game, get my swag back. It don't all come as easy as that text message implies. Plus, summer's just around the corner, it's kool being single in summer. Not my first choice, but it's kool.

I believe that my mother and I may be taking steps toward healing. We argued for the first time yesterday since my dad was hospitalized. My mother and I love one another, but we don't get along forreal. The running joke is that if we aren't fighting, something is wrong. And something has been very wrong. We honestly haven't said one smart or rude thing to each other in about 2 months...but yesterday, we had it out. That means that we're kind of feeling like our old selves a tiny bit. No need to just instantly agree with one another in an attempt to avoid confrontation. I was disagreeing with her and she got to hangin the phone up on me. That isn't anything new...I'm forever sayin something smart to her and having her hang up on me. But this time, I really didn't say anything smart. She was being rude for no real reason at all. So, after the third conversation that ended with a big "CLICK!" in my ear, I went off. I called her back and let her know that I wasn't feeling it, I didn't deserve it, and she should knock it off.

My left eyelid will not stop twitching. From what I understand about muscle twitches, in my situation, it's brought on by stress, lack of sleep, lack of vitamins, and too much alcohol. I guess I should take steps to get myself back together in terms of health.



RealDeal_Revolutionista said...

I was so cringing as I read through that text convo - I was hearing the "bow chicka bow wow" music in the background, lol. Good for you. Discerning wants and needs and what not!

And an argument is a sure sign of normalcy, lol - does that mean we're dysfunctional???

You know - I love you. I don't think I've said that before but I do. How is it that some of my closest buddies are online?? lol. Keep regaining your life one piece at a time, what is meant to be will be and what isn't won't. I always look at it like this - to me, in my world losing my dad was the worst that could happen. And now that it has - it's like I feel like I'm totally ready to accept what the world will tempt me with as I try to get to that next level.

E. said...

Oh lorsh...lemme go lock up my girlfriend..single E.'s about to come back with a vengence! :)