Shanee and I are "chillin."
She needs space. She needs to focus on herself. She needs to "do her."
My ride-or-die ain't ridin for me anymore.
I proposed last week that we give each other a little breathing room just because the situation had grown tense. But within two days, I could see that it was a huge mistake and I immediately wanted to reneg. I was miserable and didn't want to be "2/3 of a step back" anymore. Unfortunately for me, she flourished. She liked it. She enjoyed her little breathing room. And opted to keep it that way.
I have done some shitty things to her throughout the course of our relationship and she's always been right there, by my side, never leaving, never wavering. My babygirl. But now...now that I'm damn near depressed, now that I'm sad beyond belief, now that I need emotional support, now that I need her to have my back more than ever....she needs to work on herself. I'm needy right now. I'm going through the hardest thing I've ever faced in my entire life. Exxcccuuuuuse me for being selfish. Apparently, I'm just too much to handle right now. She can't be available when I need her and she said she can't be the girlfriend that I need her to be right now. So, she wants to take this time to just do her own thing so that she'll be better for me in the future. I told her we don't have a future...if she can turn her back on me with what I'm going through, why would I want to be with her later? If she can't handle me at my worst, then she doesn't deserve me at my best.
She keeps telling me that she's still available and still there for me and she's not turning her back on me and she's not putting any distance between us. She even told me that I was her best friend. That's new. I didn't even ask about it, I just reminded her that if she was my best friend, she wouldn't dream of turnin from me at a time like this. A best friend would put their own needs last and be the support that I need right now. There wasn't any response to that.
I'm just so blown. Talk about adding insult to injury. I don't think anyone has ever kicked me while I'm down before. It feels pretty terrible.
- ▼ March (10)