Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Gay & Sad & Painful

I was approached by a gay man today. At work. I was walking through the produce section on my way back to the front of the store and he comes toward me and kind of sticks his hand out like he's flagging me down. I stop and ask him if I can help him with anything. He said, "I just wanted to know if you were spoken for." I said yes as I raised my eyebrows. He just kind of looked at me and I turned and kept walking. According to Shanee, I was supposed to ask him why he asked and actually talk for a few minutes. I told her next time I would gather more information lol. I mean, this dude had on men's clothing, but had makeup on. I shouldn't judge. Maybe it's wrong to have assumed he was gay, maybe he's just very open about gender and appreciates makeup. Maybe he was gay and was asking on behalf of a female friend who was elsewhere in the store. Regardless of why he was asking, the answer was still yes, I'm spoken for, and so I didn't feel any need to really entertain him or express interest by asking who or why. People are too thirsty these days and no one seems to respect the relationships of others, so I've learned to not even give anyone the time of day. It's probably cold and rude, but when people make it known that they are interested, they gotta go. Especially when they find out that my relationship is long-distance...they really feel like they can put their bid in then. Trying to just be friends with these types of people has already proved fatal in the past so I'm not even willing to go there anymore.

Speaking of long distance, I'm not cut out for it. I miss Shanee so damn bad, it's ridiculous. These 600 miles between us really hurt. We've made it this far and we've only got about 4 more months left, but it's no consolation. When we first got together in 2007, I thought that it would get easier, that I would grow accustomed to it. That hasn't been the case at all...the opposite has proven true. I can't stand it now worse than I couldn't stand it when we first decided that we were going to be exclusive. Being apart from her feels like torture. The things I do on an everyday basis don't feel complete because I'm alone. She posted some pictures on facebook last night of her and her friends hanging out and playing wii. I love seeing her smiling face, but I couldn't shake the fact that I was missing from the images. I just can't wait for our relationship to exist normally, like in the same city. I am so jealous of a friend of mine. He leaves tonight to move to Atlanta to be with his boo. They've been long distance for about 3 years now and today is the last day of their gap. I'm really happy for him!

Tonight will consist of sorting out all my clothes into a "donate" pile and a "keep" pile. That's my plan anyway. But I have really had bad abdominal pains all day long. The result of being a female. I just wanna lay down and eat tacos for the rest of the night.


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