Monday night, I went to bed thinking that I had to be at work at 12:30 yesterday. Luckily, right before falling asleep, I checked my schedule. I really had to be at work at 8:30. Yuck. So I set my alarm for 5:45 so that I could get up, rush around and get my belongings together, and be on the road by 6:30. Needless to say, I was absolutely exhausted by the time I arrived at work at 8:35. Waking up so early, then rushing around, then driving in the snow just had me worn the hell out. Work was okay though.
I had to write the schedule for my staff to turn in yesterday and I realized that I was writing for the week of Valentine's Day. When I was young, Valentine's day was characterized by those lil cheap cards and chocolate galore and parties in the classroom. Then, when I was in 7th grade, my grandfather died on February 14. That forever changed the tone of the day for me. For every year after that that I lived in my parent's house was marked with sadness. My dad always seemed down and out on that day. No waking up to heart shaped pancakes and a ride to school. In high school, I always seemed to be in-between relationships when Valentine's day rolled around. After high school, I pretty much just ignored the day. Sometimes I would be invited to go to dinner or something with a big group of single girls just to do something. Once I started working at Red Lobster, I was required to work that nght, so I never thought of it as anything more than a busy-ass shift. I would look at all the couples and kinda wish I had someone, but it didn't really get to me. I began to see Valentine's day as a big commercial thing. It was dumb, just another day. I even took it upon myself one year to wish people "Happy February 15th!" the day after, just to be smart ass...if the day is about love, shouldn't we show it everyday, not just some random day in mid-February??! But for some reason....this year...I feel different. I believe the presence of a relationship has something to do with it. Last year, I was in the same relationship, but it wasn't exactly positive all the time. Now that we've ironed out most of the kinks and everything is going well, the day has a different feel to it. Once I completed writing my schedule yesterday, I texted Shanee to ask her if she would not make plans for that Saturday so that her and I could have a phone date. Yes, a phone date. It's lame and corny, but I wanted to set aside that night just for the two of us to talk and spend that time together the best way we can. It's unfortunate that the phone is all we have, but I have to make use of what I've got. Her and I are very different on a lot of levels...we think differently, we feel differently, we perceive differently. I have no doubt in my mind, that since we aren't in the same city, she would have treated the day just like it was any other Saturday. If someone had hit her up about a party or a get-together or something, she would have gone without a second thought. I kinda felt sad that I had to specifically ask her to not make plans for that day, but I know her...to stay at home specifically to chill on the phone would not have really crossed her mind. I've grown to respect our differences, but sometimes, just a tiny bit, I wish we were more in-tune about those types of things. But like I said...it's no secret that we're vastly different. She can't read my mind...so I'm not ashamed or afraid to ask for what I want.
After work, I drove home in the snow storm. It was a long, tedious drive. I was just thankful to have made it in safely...all they were talking about on the radio were the accidents all over town. I just came in the house and did job applications and talked to Shanee for the rest of the day. Low-key evening. I have to make great strides in my packing today, definitely.
- ▼ 2009 (85)