Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Hurt Feelings

Sometimes friendships have to end. I've gone back and forth about a particular friendship for months now, but I believe I'm finally reaching a point where I'm letting go. I haven't truly hung out with this friend for about 3 weeks and it's been great. I haven't missed her at all. I'm not happy to see her the few times I have seen her. She has a lot of characteristics that I just don't care for. There has been a few occasions in which I've been offended or put off by something she's said or done and she's actually told me "I didn't see what the big deal is and I still don't." Pretty much telling me to save it because she's not hearing it. I'm not sure if it gets any more flagrantly thoughtless than that. She's a good friend for things like driving me to the airport, but for everyday situations that really matter, she doesn't have much to offer. She really doesn't see too much beyond herself. I myself am guilty of feeling that I deserve a certain type of treatment from people and I'm quick to let people know when I'm offended or they've fucked up. But with her, I've found that it's absolutely useless to even try and express my feelings. If she doesn't think she's done any wrong, she's not open to hearing what I have to say at all. Today at work, she paged me into her office because she said she wanted me to look over the details of the winter party that she's organizing at our job. I get in there and I see that one of the gifts is an Obama dvd. Great gift. However, since we aren't even allowed to refer to the party as a "Christmas" party because not everyone believes in Christmas, I didn't think it was a good idea to have a gift that's political in nature. Not everybody would appreciate receiving an Obama dvd at their company party. When I pointed this out, she rolled her eyes, got an attitude, and said, "oh well, it's free, whatever!" Um, ok. From there, she bitched and moaned about other things, then got on the phone. I got up and walked out of her office wondering to myself why she called me in there in the first place. If she wanted me to look over the party details, why was she so nasty when I found fault with one of the gifts? Stuff like that, I can just do without. That comes on top of other similar situations. So, I've reached the end of my rope. Admittedly, my rope with anyone isn't typically very long, but I've really reached the end with her. There's been too many other situations and I'm not going to keep overlooking it. The thing that's bad is that I don't really feel the need to have a conversation with her about it. It won't be worth it. I know how she works and how she reacts to things and I'm not even going to waste my breath. I'm just going to politely decline any invitations to do things with her. Eventually she'll realize that I'm not interested in being close anymore.

I was rather upset about all this earlier. I was talking to Shanee about it. And I really did begin to grow upset, like about to cry. Then, rather abruptly, Shanee had to go to sleep. It was approximately 12:30 and she has the first day of classes tomorrow beginning at 8:30 so I understood the need for sleep, but I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little let down that she couldn't find another 10 minutes or so to hear me out and make sure I was kool. I understand and respect her wanting to be rested up for skool, but there's no denying that it stung.

They say that time heals all wounds, and I'm sure it does for most, but I believe my scabs are still able to be torn off with relative ease. It amazes me that I can think of something that happened as far back as 2 years ago, and it will still hurt my feelings like it happened 5 minutes ago. No joke. My chest will begin to burn and then next thing I know, I'm fighting to blink back tears. I rarely win the fight. I wish my skin was thicker and my feelings weren't on my sleeve.


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