A HodgePodge

It is so uncomfortably cold in my apartment that it has sent me into a bad mood. It's absolutely frigid in here. I haven't felt my toes in hours. My space heater is holdin' steady at about 56. The heat in my apartment is cranked as high as it will go, but it's no match for the windows that provide their "downtown view" (they don't). I refuse to wrap my windows in plastic since I'm moving in less than 20 days. I have wrapped them the past two winters and it didn't help much. I've decided it's not worth the purchase of the plastic and the time and energy it takes to seal them. Last year, Shanee and I almost broke up over sealing my windows. I asked her to simply be in charge of cutting the tape and handing it to me as I did the actual sealing. You would have thought I asked her to lick a toilet. Her attitude about the whole chore was, right off top, absolutely horrible! Then, I told her I needed big pieces of tape...I look over and she's got about 4 pieces cut and they were each about 2 inches long. That's not big! Then I would ask her to hand them to me one by one and after about 6 pieces, I thought she would have naturally fallen into the rhythm of the task and would know to keep the tape coming...but no. I would extend my hand and not receive a piece of tape...I would turn my head to see her adjusting the music, looking at something on the computer, staring off into space. She wanted the windows sealed for her own attempt at warmth and comfort, but I believe she thought she was going to sit and watch me do it. I don't really remember if we truly argued, but we definitely were not happy with one another by the time the windows were sealed.

In April, I will officially have known Shanee for 2 whole years. But this past winter/New Year's marks our first calendar year together. No, it hasn't been a solid year as there were a few fuck-ups on both of our accounts, breaks, splits, and general periods of just not being into one another...but a whole calendar year nontheless. And it's somewhat amazing to see how much growing and changing she did in 2008. She's still Shanee, but it was interesting and sometimes painful to watch her enter her early 20s and grow into herself. It was tough at times to remember that people change as they grow, they don't just simply get older. I found myself, and still find myself, being extremely protective of her. I want to show her how to do everything. I'm overjoyed when she comes to me and asks for advice or help with certain situations because she knows I've already dealt with it...and I'm crestfallen when she doesn't. When I met her, she didn't talk to a lot of people. Myself, her two best friends, and one quirky boy that used to like her were her whole life aside from her family. I'm not too proud to admit that when she began making other friends and spending time with people on campus and actually having a social calendar, I got jealous. I made it my business to find out as much as I could about her new runnin' buddies because they didn't start out looking like the most worthwhile people to be around..for instance, I was livid the night she went to a get-together and made herself really sick from eating weed cupcakes. I'm sure nobody forced them down her throat, but she wasn't thinking about marijuana until that night. (and she hasn't since!) I just want to save her from downfalls and headaches that can be avoided. It stung the day that she told me, straight-up, that she has to make her own mistakes and figure things out for herself. (If I don't even like hearing that from my girlfriend who's only 4 years younger than me, imagine how heartbroken I will be when my future kids wash me out of their hair in their adolescent years!) Aside from how uncomfortable it might have been at times to watch this phase of her development, all in all, she's beautiful and she's my babygirl and I wouldn't trade her.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning. When I arrived, I checked in with the receptionist, handed her my insurance card and prepared myself to fill out new paperwork as it's a new year. As I was filling out the paper, this man sitting a few seats down from me fixed his eyes on me. I just focused on my paperwork and tried to ignore him. When I stood up to take my paperwork back to the receptionist, I stole a glance at the man. Much to my surprise, his eyes weren't real! They were glass or wood or something. He had two fake eyes. For the rest of the time that I was waiting, I really couldn't get over it. It startled me, but I wouldn't say it had freaked me out. I used to have a friend with a fake eye...it was never a concern or an issue. But the presence of two of them stuck with me. I wondered why he had sat there and "looked" at me for so long. I mean, I know he could sense my presence, but didn't anyone ever tell him that it wasn't polite to "stare?" I know he probably has minimal contol over the eyes, but why did he turn his face towards me and keep it there? That's what I failed to understand. There wasn't anything in my direction for him to be focusing on...no TV, nothing. I was the only thing there.

As a result of being overweight and working at Sam's Club (being on concrete floors for 8 hours daily), I've got the beginnings of vericose veins. That's what my doctor's appointment was for...deep leg pain. My veins are going bad. The doctor prescribed weight loss, magnesium, and support tights. I guess I'm truly starting to age...support tights at 25 years old! It's kind of unfortunate, but it could be a lot worse.

In other news, I was slightly amused earlier. I've been "out" for like a year and a half. The word 'gay' came out of my mouh in reference to myself in summer of 2007. Pretty much everybody knows. People knew before I wanted them to. Apparently, there's something about me that just screams 'gay' at people. But despite this...I got a text that seemed to ignore my blatant gayness. It was an invitation to an ex party. It said to "bring an ex-boyfriend that you're still friendly with and hook him up with somebody and your friends will do the same with their ex boyfriends." Considering who the invitation was from, I know that it will only be straight people in attendance. If I were to attend this particular party, I would strictly be donating an ex or two...I'm happy in my relationship, but even if I was single, there wouldn't be any women there for the taking lol. So...I wonder if I was invited on accident, or if It was a mass text, or if she just wanted to include me but didn't think it all the way through.

Everybody is so shocked that I'm moving on Super Bowl Sunday. I can't help that it fell on the first of the month. Besides, I probably won't care about the game because of how shocking and disappointing the playoffs have been. Everything is coming together though. My brother is giving me a couch since mine has crapped out. I'm going to ask my mom for the mattresses from my bedroom at her house so I can have newer ones. I have a feeling that she's going to say no, but I'm going to ask anyway. I spent about an hour going through some of the clutter in my desk area and it was ridiculous. I can see that I'm going to have to do a little organizing and throwing away each day in order to have everything the way I want it when it comes time to move.

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