Yesterday was the longest, most boring day of my life. I was offically on the clock at work for 14 hours. I spent the first half at a Diversity & Inclusion workshop. It was semi-educational, mostly a bunch of no-brainer type things. It gave me plenty of thinkin' time. I thought about the things going on right now and I came to a conclusion. I want to date a white girl. A true white girl. An anglo. Not one that hangs around a bunch of black people and acts ghetto. Not one with a whole bunch of attitude. I don't even want her to have soul or any sort of rhythm about her. Just white as white can be. I don't want her to like rap music, I don't want her to wanna go to black clubs, I don't want her to use a bunch of slang. None of it. I want something completely different. If I ever happen to run across a black girl with these qualities, I'm snatchin her up for sure. But I do want to date a white girl, just once. I almost got one's number a few weeks ago. Lady Gaga was playing at the club and I sang along to one of the lines and this blond chick threw her arms around my neck and was like "you know Lady Gaga, you steal my heeeaarrttt!!" She was cute, but I decided she was too drunk to really converse with. I think I've just been overwhelmed by ghetto chicks lately. I really do need to move away from Indianapolis, to a bigger city where there's more people to choose from. Everybody is so hood around here, it seems. Maybe I'm not hanging around the right people or going to the right places, but I'm growing discouraged. I don't want a cursin, ghetto broad that's ready to fight at a moment's notice. That seems to be what Indianapolis is full of. Can't I just get a nice young lady that's single and knows how to act like she's got some sense? Where are the women whose cell phone isn't on disconnect every other month?? Can I meet a young lady who doesn't always have her sister's kids, or her neighbor's kids, or just some random kids that don't belong to her with her?? I want a young lady that doesn't smoke. Can I call a chick just once and ask her to go out and just get a simple yes without her having to "get a ride back from my cuzin house, then run to the beauty supply, see what time I'm supposed to braid RoRo's hair, and wait for my sister to come pick up my nephew." It'll be 11:30 at night before all that gets completed! I get so sick of that. Just tell me no. Direct me to another date on the calendar that you might have free, or at least less random chores and errands to do for other people. What makes me even more sick is dealing with females that keep pushing things back because of disorganization and chaos that they have in their life. Don't make plans with me for 5, then call me at 4:50 and say you need an hour. It's so unattractive, on top of rude and disrespectful. More often than not, these are the types of women I run across. No act-right at all. A woman that has her shit together and seems like she's got a clue about how to treat a person and how to act is a real prize around here. I'm sure they do exist and I just haven't ran across them yet. I already know what half the deal is too...the women that have it together or are working very hard in an attempt to have it all the way together, I'm friends with them. Or like my one Friend, they're already involved in something else. *sigh*
Speaking of Friend, we discussed things a little more today. Not really in-depth, but we shared feelings. She admitted that she fell hard for me back when we first met, in October. She said that now, since she's got a man and all, she has been really just swallowing her feelings and ignoring them, minus Saturday. I asked her is it really fair to her boyfriend that she's with him, but actively trying to squash feelings for someone else? Her response was "what can I do about it?" I told her that it was for her to decide. I really think that she does want to be with him and just wishes she didn't like me. The whole time we talked today, I had that same feeling that something was going unsaid. I felt like she wanted me to dig deep and reveal some intense feelings or something, but she wanted to give up very little. She wants to fight it bad. I did go ahead and tell her I missed her and asked when I was going to see her again and she said "the weekend after Mother's Day." I told her that it was too long from now and she said I could come stay with her next Thursday night. I really and truly am not going to do anything that night. I am not touching her unless she touches me first. I kind of wish nothing had happened and that nothing changed between us. Our affectionate friendship was perfect before anybody's feelings came to the surface.
- ▼ April (10)