Monday, April 13, 2009

Easter Weekend & Certifiable

About 6 years ago, I worked at Red Lobster. During my time there, I befriended two guys. They were the best of friends and had been since kindergarten. One of them went away to the Navy. The other began having sex with his girlfriend in his absence. This all happened about 3 years ago. And tonight was the first time they'd seen one another since everything went sour. I was invited to hang out with the two of them. I went along and truly hoped that there would be no drama involved. I believe I was invited for that nobody would get too into their feelings and throw a fist or anything. In my opinion, it went beautifully. I think they felt a little awkward at times though. I believe they are on their way to getting their friendship back. I certainly hope so because I miss hanging with the both of them together. Part of what made it so awkward is that it's been three years since we have all had something in common...if one of them started to talk to me about something, we would have to bring the other up to speed. I feel like 25 years is a long time to have been around and I've honestly never been in that position before. It was different.

Shanee and I just might be certifiably nuts. One day last week, we spent 10 hours fighting. A whole ten hours. From the moment I woke up until well after I was off work. Just straight arguing. It was so exhausting and draining. Then the next day, she bought me a pair of jeans and I told her I wanted to meet her in an exotic location this summer. We're just up and down, back and forth. We make each other absolutely sick, but can't leave each other alone. Another day last week, she asked me about my dealings with other females and I told her straight up what I've been up to. I don't think she thought that I would be honest with her because in the past, I've always told her that what I do when we're on breaks is not her business. She thanked me for being real, but she wasn't impressed. I wouldn't have expected her to be. I guess she just knows me. She knows how I am and how I feel about things. Sex is sex and feelings are feelings. I don't combine the two. If I happen to find somebody in which both things line up nicely, then I've really scored. I guess she's confident in the fact that she's got my heart in a choke hold and whatever else I do while she takes her space or whatever, is just that...something to do. Like I told her...I am more sad, lonely, and bored than what I let on and women alleviate some of that. Books, movies, the internet, and other things I could be doing with my time just don't engage me enough. They're a nice distraction for a little while, but it's not satisfactory.

This Easter season, I went to two passion plays, plus church on Sunday with my mom. It was truly enjoyable. I desperately needed to be reminded of God's love for me and just how intense it is. My mom cooked a whole bunch of food and it was delicious. I'm glad she did that because it gave me hope that she isn't going to curl up and stop living on the rest of us. She went wild a lil bit too though...said that the Saturday before, she was missing my dad real bad and she needed a distraction, so she went shopping. The result of her shopping trip was Easter baskets for me, Devin, and Jackie. I've never in my life gotten an Easter basket like this had green grapes, red grapes, apples, oranges, peaches, pears, granola bars, four kinds of chocolate, dried fruit, mixed nuts, eggs, and 50 dollars. Best Easter basket ever. And yet-to-be-born baby Damien got his first Easter bunny, a ball, and my grandfather's coin collection from 1972. My uncle was kind of looking at my mom like "this grieving woman has lost her mind." She typically doesn't put on like that. I guess she meant it when she said that she really needed a distraction because with all the food and basket-loading she did, I know she was busy for at least 9 hours. I sat and stared at Damien's 3d ultrasound pictures for like 40 minutes. I am just so enthralled with/by him. I cannot wait to meet him. To hold him. The little man with the big round eyes and a bump in his nose with thick lips. He's precious. No denying he's my brother's child...flipping off the camera in-utero. And there is absolutely no denying that he's a man...


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