Monday, April 20, 2009

Saturday night...

Saturday night was interesting.

My friend (I'm not creative enough to try and nickname her for the sake of blogging about her lol) got here around 10ish. We got dressed and ready to go. We gave each other the up and down before we walked out the door and she mumbled something to herself that she refused to repeat. We got to the club and met up with one of her ex's and the ex's current girlfriend. They were nice. We just drank, danced, and had a good time. Everything was perfectly friendly until we were walking away from the bar at one point and I had her around the waist and she gazed up into my eyes and was like "I'm emotional when I drink...I think I should leave my boyfriend and be with you." I shrugged my shoulders at her and gave her the clueless face. We kept drinking and dancing. After awhile, she led me to a chair in the back corner of the club and sat me down and gave me the lap dance of all lap dances. I'm mildly ashamed of how trashy it got...but you can only bounce your breasts in a super low shirt one centimeter in front of my face for so long before I'm latching on. I ended up leaving big black hickies. Not red, not purple....black. All over her cleavage. When they announced that it was last song and last call, we left. I'm not sure how the night was prefaced to the ex, but she said she liked me and told my friend that we look really good together. Makes me wonder what was said about me before we all met up. Friend seemed really happy that Ex liked me. That's twice now that she's been happy about somebody liking me. I met her mother and one of her sisters a couple weeks ago and she was happy that I made a good impression with them too (they are super religious and DO NOT LIKE girls like me). We left the club and rode back to my house, her up on her knees so that she can lay her head on my shoulder. We got to the crib and went inside and it was on. When we were through, the first thing out of her mouth was "forreal?!" I just looked at her. Then she was like "OHHH EMMM GEEEE...you'll never be with me now, will you? Because of what we just did, you'll never be able to trust me." Again, blank face from me. Then she started talking about how she appreciates my friendship and she's so happy that she has me to talk to throughout the day. I decided to open up and tell her that I appreciate our friendship too. We were quiet for awhile. Then she was like "you're feelin me?" I looked at her with a question mark on my face. She was like "a couple weeks ago, you told me that you low-key kind of liked me." I had forgotten about that. I did tell her that a couple weeks ago. She had remarked that she's glad I don't treat her the way she sees me treat some women and I got a little into my feelings and told her that I low-key kinda liked her. It's true. I went on ahead and told her all the reasons I liked her and the "awwwww's" got louder and more drawn out the more I talked. But then she brought it all back down to reality..."I love him and you love her." She was right. No reason to even keep talking about any of it. We were quiet for a while longer and then she began thanking me again, for being who I am. Then she was like "you are such a good catch, I hope you know that." I just nodded. She was like "no, do you know that?" I nodded again. She was like "no, I want to hear you acknowledge it." So I told her "I'm a good-ass person and anybody would be lucky to have me." That satisfied her, even though I didn't feel really good about what I'd just done. She spent a few minutes kissing my face, then the other truth set in. She had hickies all over and would be going back to her man's house soon. I laughed hard at her as she freaked out about it. That was right around the time that her boyfriend called and told her that he was off work and if she was still up, he wanted her to come over. She got her clothes on and left.

The next day, she felt extremely guilty and horrible. I apologized for my part in that. She said she takes full responsibility for what happened. She's worried because those hickies are not going to be gone anytime soon and she says that even though he's lame, her boyfriend is quite intuitive and can sense things. I really hope that nothing happens and her relationship stays intact. She does love him a lot, I guess, and I think she would be really heartbroken if he wasn't in her life. I honestly do wish that we had the freedom to do what feels so natural between us though. I don't necessarily want to, nor do I have the emotional capacity right now to, be in a relationship with her (trust would be an issue on both sides probably), I just want us to be able to do what feels good and right without guilt or hesitation. I want to have my cake and eat it too. Obviously so does she.

.....

7 comments:

breastswildasblkwaves said...

Lol @ the black hickies! " I just want us to be able to do what feels good and right without guilt or hesitation." Wouldn't that be great if life was that simple??? I understand she loves her bf but that doesn't mean he's right for her or what she needs right now. The relationship is obviously lacking something if she has to question leaving him for you. Do you want what happened between you two to happen again?

Alix said...

Wow! Son of a Biiii...

You knew this was going to happen. Deep, deep down, you knew.

What happens now? Do you become each other's side piece? Or will you try to maintain an awkward sexually charged friendship?

Erika said...

bwabw- yeah, life would be grand if everything was that simple. just do what you want, no consequences or repercussions. perfection! and i agree...something is off with their relationship if she's questioning like that. but it also means that her feelings aren't so certain...if anybody is gonna leave somebody else to be with me, i want it to be done with no looking back, no wondering, no hesitation. and yessss, i wanna sex her again.

alix- yeah, you're right. i knew shit was gonna happen the way it did. i hadn't really anticipated the dialogue, but i knew deep in my heart of hearts that we were gettin down that night. and as for now, we do the awkward friendship thing. it's been made very clear that it will never happen again.

RealDeal_Revolutionista said...

I don't usually blame the cheatee so much as the cheater...she was a willing participant so to turn around and feel guilty is somewhat of a copout to me...from what I can tell...she practically seduced you...I do think she needs to have an honest discussion with herself...

and how did you manage to leave hickies E? In all my years of dating I have never given/received hickies, lmao.

E said...

I'm so glad she's not one of those chicks that get their feelings all tangled up when they KNOW they have somebody. I'm glad she's being honest with you and allowing you to be honest with her. sounds like a perfect set-up which is rare. Keep her around for as long as you can.

Erika said...

RDR- you're right, she was there for it all and was right with it, nothing happened that she didn't want to take place. and again, you're right, she seduced me. lol, you must not bruise easy.

E- i'm not sure how much longer it can continue. i'm not really tryna be her sidepiece officially like that. i'd rather not go behind her boyfriend on a regular basis lol.

Glo said...

Wow @ the hickies!

Thats TOO funny.