Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Lessons to All in avoiding disorganization and chaos

Don't ever go to bed with a dead cell phone not knowing what time you have to be at work the next day.

Don't ever go to bed with a dead cell phone not knowing what time you have to be at work the next day while in the bed of a beautiful woman in a town an hour and a half away.

Don't let it be feelin so good the next morning that you literally wait until the last second to jump out of the sheets and throw last night's outfit back on and rush out the door. (while only guessing what time you have to be at work.)

Don't do all this on a night/morning that it snows in April because there isn't time to be clearing the car off.

Don't ever stop at Starbucks when the oldest person working in the building appears to have just turned 18...you'll have to explain 4 times how you want your drink made, then still wait 10 minutes for the hungover college students to pass your cup back and forth and snicker about your appearance as they add ingredients.

Don't ever hit the interstate in the snow/freezing rain mixture going 80mph in an attempt to get to a job that you're still only guessing what time you're due at. Your visibility will be horrible and semis will make it twelve times worse.

By the time you make it home and see your schedule, there will only be time for FPP. (When I was very young, my cousin and I would have sleepovers at my grandparents' house. My grandmother was too old and tired, I guess, to get two little girls ready for church, so she would call my aunt to come over and dress us and in the meantime, she would send us in the bathroom and tell us that there wasn't time for a full bath, we just have to wash FPP. We would ask what FPP is and she'd reply "face, pits, and pussy.")

Don't ever complete FPP and be feeling like you are about to die from hunger.

Don't ever look at the clock and realize that you have exactly 15 minutes to leave the house, obtain food, and be clocked in.

It can't end well.

Don't ever eat two double cheeseburgers from McDonald's in a ten-minute span.

You will have chest pains so bad that you will be doubled over at work and then taken to the emergency room.

You will look like an idiot when the doctor does an EKG and it comes out perfect, asks your symptoms ten times, declares that you have an intense case of heartburn, and then gives you an antacid and sends you on your way.

This was my Monday. 10 mistakes led to a lot of heartache, literally.

.....

4 comments:

breastswildasblkwaves said...

Awww...I hope your Tuesday went better. Lol.

Alix said...

Ummm, I'm not sure if you wrote this with an edge of humor or not, but this really had me laughing out loud.

Yes, it was so good I couldn't even abbreviate it. It was necessary to spell it out...

sunshine_and_raindrops said...

Yea, I agree with Alix. This really gave me a good laugh.

Hope the rest of your week was better.....

KurlyQue said...

You neva told me bout scarfing down two cheeseburgers before getting to work. That probably was the problem. I was in class "omg what's wrong wit her? I hope she's alright"