Sunday, February 15, 2009

finding money and fake titties

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I worked until 4:30ish and then clocked out. I decided to pick up a few groceries from Sam's before I went home. As I'm casually strolling through the store, I saw a 20 dollar bill on the floor. I walked over to it slowly, glanced around to ensure that nobody saw me, picked it up, and shoved it in my pocket. For some reason, I began to feel guilty about it. That money belonged to someone. What if someone missed it? What if they actually realized where they lost it? What if they retraced their steps and actually remembered pulling their wallet out in aisle 18? What if they come back and ask the management if anybody turned in a 20? What if the management decides to watch the tapes and they have me on camera pocketing the bill? Would I be in trouble? Does it matter that I wasn't on the clock? Or is it just enough that I am an employee there? Finders keepers, right? Despite asking myself all those questions, I still kept the money...and went right up to the front and paid for my groceries with it. I still feel kind of sick inside about it. I've been fortunate enough to find a 10 dollar bill before and I've found a few ones before and a few fives. But I've never just walked right up on a 20. Twenty dollars doesn't do too much for anybody anymore....but with the state of the economy right now, I can imagine someone being pressed enough over 20 dollars to actually come back in the store and ask if it was found. I guess I'll just see what happens. I'm kind of kicking myself...20 dollars isn't worth my job and it isn't worth feeling this stress.

After I made it home, I just chilled and ordered pizza. I had planned to spend the evening on the phone with Shanee, just choppin it up for the night with my babygirl since I couldn't actually see her. But I ended up on the phone with my parents and it put a different tone to the evening. My father is just depressing. He's officially 6 days without cigarettes and so he's extremely edgy and irritated. My mom said to just forget about everything he said to me because he's being an ass to everyone right now. He told me I need to get a better paying job because I'm too smart to be working at Sam's. I know that he's right about that, but I don't think he realizes that I've been trying for months now. He told me that I need to try harder. He said that I need to make things happen and "quit texting all day." He said that I need to quit whining and complaining. I guess the things he said aren't that bad, but they stung. It pales in comparison to what he said to my aunt. She was joking around and pretended that she was gonna sit on his lap and he told her that he can't support her fat ass. She's had a stroke that's left her emotionally impaired...she has no control over her emotions and her medication doesn't do much. She began to cry and she tripped over her feet and she fell down. Apparently the thud shook the whole house and she just laid on the ground and cried and laughed at the same time. My dad laughed at her and told her to get her ass up. She typically calls him about twice a day, but he hasn't heard from her since that incident and refuses to call and apologize. He's just evil these days. Unhappy with his predicament and fiendin' for some nicotine.

Talking about that plus some other on-going situations with my parents and family pretty much killed my mood for the night, so by the time Shanee and I got settled on the phone, I was cryish and unhappy. We talked for a lil while and then went to bed. So much for spending Valentine's Day on a "date" on the phone with my love.

I realize something. I've been watching a lot of lesbian films on Netflix and then shows like the L word with so many soft-core sex scenes and they all have one thing in them that catches my attention each and every time. The thing that catches my attention and has come strongly to my realization...I'm not a big fan of natural breasts, aside from Shanee's (i love her's). I have a preference for big full fake ones. Maybe it comes from watching too much porn. That's the only exposure to fake breasts I've ever had. I had a class with one girl one semester who had implants...I'd always suspected it, but I got my confirmation one day. This other chick asked her if they were real...her response: "yes, real expensive." But that doesn't really count as exposure. I was never exposed to them, lol...or, they were never exposed to me, that's probably more accurate. But anyhow, maybe I should cut back on my porn-watching. Few of the "actresses" resemble real-life women and it's probably not healthy that natural breasts don't peak my interest.

.....


3 comments:

RealDeal_Revolutionista said...

Shame on your obsession of fake boobies! Okay okay, I must admit they are round and perfect - oh screw it I'm jealous. I always peek and look down at mine like WHY DON"T YOU GUYS SIT THAT HIGH ON MY FRAME HUH?! So, for me it's not even about size - its the perpetual perkiness, lol. I'm jealous, but I'm okay...

I had no clue that strokes could leave you emotionally impaired. Your dad is probably lashing out because he feels the restrictions on his living makes his life less worth living. If that makes sense? I know what you're going through because my dad was the same way.

We all could prolly do better on the job front. But this economy, shoot it's just rough out there for everyone girl. I'm just happy you have a job - and wish you were in Chicago at our Sam's so then I could totally buy groceries and harass you at the same time, lol. I'm so damn selfish.

Why isn't Ty on here. Dangit I miss him!

E. said...

Whatttttttt? I've never been even remotely interested in fake breasts. I mean I've never had experience with them either but to me they just look ...weird and besides that , I think I'd feel kinda scared playing with them or getting a little rough with them because in the back of my mind I'd been worried about bursting them. But whatever floats your boat.
Well at least one of us got to talk to their girl last night. Even though you were in an emotional mood, it's good that she could be there for you through that.

abrowngirlgonegay said...

Big fake ones? I like small high ones... I like booties better though