Friday, February 20, 2009

my child-like attempt at hospitalization

I wrote this yesterday. At work. I couldn't think about much else.

You, my father, are 55 years old
these are the years that are meant to be gold.
Instead, you are tired and extremely sick,
you can hardly walk because your legs are extra thick.
Your heart is failing and your health isn't good,
you need new organs and to stop eating food.
You can't walk without help or assistance,
you should have exercised with more persistence.
You're nearly bald head and case of cradle cap;
visible signs of aging and ailing, my mind can't trap.
Genetics and lifestyle have set you up to fail,
slipping up on you like a hunter to a quail.
I lean on God to help me get through,
to help me accept whatever it is, His view.
Your daughter, I am, and will forever be
it's obvious to anyone with eyes, all who can see.
Everyone remarks, "you look just like your dad!"
and I can only pray that my insides aren't as bad.
You're an honorable man...patient, honest, and wise;
I hope people see half of that when they look in my eyes.
In about 3 months, you will have a grandson;
it would mean more than anything if you could play and watch him run.
Thanksgiving Day, you and my mother again did wed
and I hope that in time, you can get back in bed.
I don't mean that in a lewd or sexual way!
You are just extremely uncomfortable when you attempt to lay.
With a bad attitude and exhausted is no way to live life,
selfish to say, but it's causing a lot of strife.
I'm hanging on to hope and what the Bible says,
the Lord is watching and is with you all your days.
I latch on to His promise that He's with me too,
and the rest of the family, for we really love you.
Life is not always fun and we never know what to expect,
but our health and our faith, we can surely never neglect.
They say that, somehow, everyone must go,
but I don't like to just sit back and go with the flow.
It's hard to accept, despite the faith of a thousand mustard seeds,
that you may not have time to perform many more good deeds.
I know that God is in control and will work it out,
but it's nearly impossible to not cry and pout.
I try to be happy and overcome the pain,
but how many nights will I endure the rain?
It's not fair, you are much too young....
You, my father, are 55 years old and
these are the years that are meant to be gold.

I often address poems to people about things that I'd like to say, but don't ever plan to.

My parents have been in the city since Monday for my dad to have tests done. They were at an appointment yesterday and the nurse took his blood pressure and said that it was extremely low...her exact words were "it's, call-the-ambulance low." He convinced her that he was going to the hospital for another appointment after that one and that he would inquire about it then. She accepted that and then took his blood sugar, which was also extremely low. She said "I'm not going to force you into an ambulance this time, but you are having some cookies and juice right now!" So she made him eat that and then they went to the hospital for his heart cath. His heart specialist walked in the room and took one look at him and said "no way!" His skin has been some funky yellow color all week long. Well, his skin is white in the first place so it's not a very big difference, but he kept downplaying it and wouldn't address that his skin was a different color. The doctor determined that he's jaundiced and that he didn't have enough blood in his body. He asked my dad if he'd had bloody stool and my dad said it's been dark for like 4 weeks. He'd never mentioned that to my mom before and she of course, stays far from the bathroom when he's in there, so she didn't have any way of knowing. So he's been having some bleeding from somewhere and just didn't tell anyone...and it's been like that for a month. So, his body was just low on blood period. That's why his pressure and sugar was so low. Scary. So, the doctor ordered him to be admitted to the hospital through Sunday and to get a blood transfusion. They are running tests and doing procedures to determine where he's losing blood. Halfway through the transfusion, his skin looked 100% better and he immediately felt better, was more alert, and had more energy. It's angering to me, that even though his health is really low, he still refuses to be proactive about it. How can you know that you have internal bleeding for a month and not say anything? He knows that all he has to do is say it to my mom, and she's going to immediately get him medical attention. Better yet, he's grown and he's not immobile...pick up the phone and call the doctor himself. But no. It took a heart surgeon to look at him and see that something was incredibly wrong. He said that when they switch his blood thinners, it happens...but never for this long and at this intensity.

I'm thinking of surprising him with some sushi later on, but I want to time it just right so that I get it there just in time for his dinner and hopefully prevent him from ordering a hospital dinner. I know that man and if there are two dinners available, he will eat two dinners. That's part of why he's in the predicament that he's in now. I'm gonna gather some reading material and update my iPod and head up to the hospital to hang for the day...


Simone said...

The hospital can be a real downer. Here's to hoping you get some time to relax and de-stress this weekend.

RealDeal_Revolutionista said...

The good thing is that he was at the doctor for them to treat him. Internal bleeding most likely means he has an ulcer somewhere. You're so fortunate that you can talk to him and have him interact with you, so I think it's good to go to the hospital as much as possible. Plus, nobody likes being in hospitals alone, even when I go to the ER I sit and cry by myself until I know what's wrong with me. I keep you guys in my prayers.

How is your brother and his girlfriend doing preparing for the baby? Do they live by you and your dad?