I hate it when I have dreams that completely speak to the insecurities that I face in my waking life. Absolutely hate it. I wake up feeling like such a loser. Life is stressful enough during wakefulness, why do I have to worry in my sleep too?
Yesterday was kool. I was off from work, so I woke up and chilled and sipped coffee leisurely until mid-afternoon. My mom kept calling and working my very last nerve, but she eventually stopped. I went and worked out, showered, and got dressed. Then I went out to dinner with a group of friends from college...one of our friends got pregnant senior year and packed up and went back to her parents' house in Michigan and last night was the first time we'd seen her since like 2007. She was still silly and crazy as ever. It was only a mildly good time though...much of the conversation was about boys (boring), and I think I made one of my friends cry before we even left her apartment. At that point, it was just her and I sitting there waiting on the others. She told me that she was considering having sex with her ex, who is in a new relationship now. Now, she had initially told me this several months ago and I've always maintained that it's a bad idea. But last night, I'd had enough. I told her it was a horrible idea. That she needed to get her own man. I told her that she wouldn't like it if she were in a relationship and the boy talked to his ex about having sex all the time. Told her she's going to end up with her feelings hurt and looking stupid. Told her it wasn't going to end well and that nothing good would come from it. Asked her why she even remotely thinks it's a good idea. She just looked at me. She eventually turned her face away and wouldn't look at me for several minutes. I think I made her feel stupid, but she knew that what I was saying was true.
My parents are coming to Indianapolis next week to spend 3 days in a hotel because my father has to get all the necessary tests ran and the final approval to be put on the list for a heart transplant. He's really emotional about it, but I'm feeling optimistic. I hope and I pray that he can get a heart and regain his health and get his life back. Right now, he mopes around the house, depressed and scared, and he's absolutely evil.
I wanted desperately to do something this evening. Anything not to sit in the house by myself. Nobody has any money or the time. I did get invited to a bachelorette party, but figured it would be really random to go since I don't know the bride-to-be or anybody else that would be in attendance. Plus, I feel out of place at those types of events.
- swollen nuts & other ramblings
- i participated in the "25 random things about me" ...
- bullshit & anger
- my child-like attempt at poetry...plus hospitaliza...
- on loneliness...
- this day...
- sick father & bein a sidepiece
- finding money and fake titties
- Random lil entry...
- L word Sex
- if you wanna get gone...then get gone.
- I'm so lonellllyyyy....I have nobodddyyyyyy....
- a blank
- moving & boredom
- ▼ February (14)